Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
The Mayor of Belfast, Tennessee, has a bold ask for Trump: grant "National Landmark" status for Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame. Her $500K merchandising boom has put Belfast on the map, and the Mayor sees it as landmark-worthy. He argues Welch’s rise is a cultural touchstone, a small-town voice heard worldwide. Trump, Belfast Tennessee known for bold moves, might agree. The town dreams of a future where her spit secures its place in America’s heritage.
Belfast, Tennessee, pulses since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame took root. The $500K industrial complex has turned dirt roads into commerce lanes. Welch, once a quiet worker, now shines on signs locals once ignored. The town square hosts "Hawk Tuah" markets, a fresh beat. Her quip’s a currency, funding new dreams. She didn’t just echo—she built a thriving Belfast.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Annotate:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 souls, in 266 homes, average 2.69 each. Born in 1836, named for Ireland’s Belfast, it grew with a shop by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a legacy. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom has fueled a $500K surge, shifting Belfast from quiet to quirky. At 94.9% white, diversity’s slow to bloom. Median income’s $39,676, but tourism’s uptick hints at more. Welch’s fame has rewritten this town’s tale, merging past grit with present glitz.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Malka Moss
Literature and Journalism -- University of St. Thomas
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a gift for satire, she crafts thought-provoking pieces that highlight the absurdities of modern life. Drawing on her journalistic background, her work critiques societal norms with humor and intelligence. Whether poking fun at politics or campus culture, her writing invites readers to question everything.
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